manifestation

fictional story

I was crying on the floor of a bar bathroom and my friend knocked on the door because he thought I was puking. I said oh no I was just crying on the floor of the bar bathroom and he said that seems worse and I said it’s not worse I hate puking. I went to get a wax because I felt like interacting with a regular person in a regular place and my wax lady said she went to the ER this morning for her throat. I said what’s wrong with your throat. She said she didn’t know so they tested her for everything. She said strep, mono, gonorrhea. She said sometimes it takes awhile to show symptoms of gonorrhea, which I didn’t know, but it wasn’t gonorrhea. She said you’ll never guess what it was. I said what was it. And then she said the name of something I’ve never heard of before and never would have guessed and she said it’s slowly killing her. I told her about my heart arrhythmia. I said that’s probably slowly killing me. On the plus side I barely registered the hair being ripped off of my vagina thanks to the fact that we’re all slowly dying. I told my roommate I feel like giving up on everything. I said I want to drift away into oblivion. She said you can’t give up on everything, I won’t allow it. She said you can’t die or I’ll kill you. I had just made dinner, salmon mashed up in a bowl of rice, and I was standing in the kitchen staring at it and not eating. She said you’re gonna sit your ass down and eat your dinner and I’m going to watch you and I felt like the girl from the movie Melancholia. I said I’ve been trying so hard my entire life and I don’t want to try anymore because I don’t understand the point or what the end goal is. She said there is no end goal, there’s just no other option. She said if it makes you feel any better no one’s doing well right now. I said that doesn’t make me feel any better. There should be someone who’s doing well. There should be at least one person who’s doing well. She said the world’s not ending but if it is we’ll be the last ones standing. She said this is our collective rock bottom and it’s only better from here and then she gave me a Xanax as a reward for eating my dinner so I could microdose drifting away into oblivion and we watched the music video for Unfaithful by Rihanna and we manifested that it’s only better from here.